Thank The Man

This story is a bit silly, and pretty dated. When Utah Jazz coach Jerry Sloan and his assistant Phil Johnson resigned on February 10, I was more than a little shocked. Being die-hard Jazz fan my entire life, Jerry and Phil have always been a part of the equation. Despite my sadness and all the rumors surrounding the event, I'm glad to see these guys get their much-deserved vacation. Which brings me to my story. A few days after they resigned, I was working out at the gym. (Still going strong, baby!) After a grueling set of lifting massive amounts of weight, I took a break to refill my Thomas the Tank Engine water bottle. While walking to the fountain, I noticed a familiar face standing by the front desk. It was undoubtedly this man, Phil Johnson:

Tall, mustached, and wearing a Utah Jazz T-shirt. It was him. I had to act quick. Should I talk to him? What would I say? He was asking the attendant questions about the facility and soon they started walking toward me as they looked around. I stuck my hand out and shook his and said the only thing that came to mind,

"Thanks for everything."

Best News

They are coming.

To Orem.

April 11.

Holy flip.

What Should I Do? 3: No One's Reading This But I Gotta Finish....For Me

The Steelers are up 5-4 and the Super Bowl is tonight! Time for the last three rounds!

8. Towel or Hat?

Fans of both teams use an annoying yellow device to cheer for their teams. The Steelers have the Terrible Towel:

While Packers fans don the cheesehead:

Honestly, they are both kinda lame, but I am going to give the Pack a point here. Waving a towel is only a sometimes thing, wearing a cheese hat is a full-time job and I respect that.

Advantage: Green Bay

9. The First Paragraph on Wikipedia Battle:

Green Bay is a city in and the county seat of Brown County in the U.S. state of Wisconsin,^[3] located at the head of Green Bay, a sub-basin of Lake Michigan, at the mouth of the Fox River. It has an elevation of 581 feet (177 m) above sea level and is located 112 miles (180 km) north of Milwaukee. As of the 2000 United States Census, Green Bay had a population of 102,313.^[1] Its 2008 estimated census was 101,025.^[4] The Town of Green Bay is located several miles northeast of the city. It is the third-largest city in the state of Wisconsin, after Milwaukee and Madison. It is also the third-largest city on the west shore of Lake Michigan, after Chicago and Milwaukee.

Pittsburgh (pronounced /ˈpɪtsbərɡ/) is the second-largest city in the U.S. Commonwealth of Pennsylvania and the county seat of Allegheny County. Regionally, it anchors the largest urban area ofAppalachia^[8] and the Ohio River Valley, and nationally, it is the 22nd-largest urban area in the United States.^[9][10] The estimated population of the city in 2009 was 311,647,^[11] while the seven-county metropolitan area was estimated at 2,354,957.^[7] Downtown Pittsburgh retains substantial economic influence, ranking at 25th in the nation for jobs within the urban core and 6th in job density.^[12] The characteristic shape of Pittsburgh's central business district is a triangular tract carved by the confluence of the Allegheny and Monongahela rivers, which form the Ohio River. The city features 151 high-rise buildings,^[13] 446 bridges,^[14] two inclined railways, and a pre-revolutionary fortification. Pittsburgh is known colloquially as "The City of Bridges" and "The Steel City" for its many bridges and former steel manufacturing base.

Which city would I rather party in? Neither. Which paragraph made me giggle featuring the phrase "triangular tract?"

Advantage: Pittsburgh

10. Utah Ties

My love of University of Utah football streams into pro sports. I try to cheer on any players drafted into the NFL. Sometimes this works out great (Alex Smith) and sometimes this works out really not so great at all (Alex Smith). Luckily, there are two Utah alums to cheer for in this game, Chris Kemoeatu and Stevenson Sylvester. Both play unseen roles for the same team. Chris is a staring guard on the offensive line. Productive but not flashy. Stevenson is a rookie playing special teams. He is also one of my favorite all-time players for the U. He also does not have a Super Bowl like Chris and his teammates. They both play for the Steelers.

Advantage: Pittsburgh

So, in about six hours I will put on my Patrick Willis jersey, eat some nachos and "cheer" on the Pittsburgh Steelers. I will be just fine if the Packers win, for Charles Woodson's sake. I look forward to a great game, good food, and commercials that I will easily see a million more times in the next month. Happy Super Bowl everyone!

Steelers win 7-5 and will win Super Bowl 35-27

What Should I Do?: Round 2 - Electric Boogaloo

Picking up where I left off yesterday, Pittsburgh took a 4-1 lead for the rights to my Super Bowl fan rights for Sunday's game. Let's see if Green Bay can make it interesting....

4. Heroes & Villains

Most athletes are easy to cheer for, easy to cheer against. But a few individuals transcend this and reach a you-gotta-love-this-guy or you-can't-help-but-hate-that-clown status. I haven't been informed of any heroic tales of cancer survival, orphan raising, or anything like that from either team. With no heroes, let's focus on the bad guys. The Steelers, for the most part, are a team of villains. Hines Ward is considered the "dirtiest player in the NFL. (Whatever that means) James Harrison has been fined tens of thousands of dollars for "cheap" and illegal hits this season alone. I can look past this easily, this is football after all. The only real "bad guy" on the team is quarterback Ben Roethlisberger. "Big Ben" has twice been charged with sexual assault and has maintained a "higher than the law" swagger for most of his playing time. I won't judge him personally, but all this makes it much easier to cheer against him.

Advantage: Green Bay

5. The Ray Bourque Inclusion

Whenever a fan is in doubt on which team to cheer for, it is common to find a player who seems "deserving" of a championship. The heading of this section points to Raymond Bourque, who played 21 seasons for the Boston Bruins without ever winning a Stanley Cup. Bourque was a stellar player, but also a fan favorite and "good guy", as far as hockey players can be good. At the end of his career he was traded to the Colorado Avalanche, where he finally won that elusive trophy. I don't follow hockey closely, but I can still remember seeing him skate around the rink holding the trophy. Are there any Raymond Bourques in

this game? Not quite. Charles Woodson is as close as we can get. Woodson has been a top notch NFL cornerback since 1998. He has transformed from a flashy Heisman winner to an unassuming playmaker. He won the Defensive Player of the Year last season. Also, on the Packers is Donald Driver, a veteran receiver who is tough, productive, and quiet. Both are good guys and both are deserving of a Super Bowl trophy. I'll combine them for one Bourque point. (.75 for Woodson and .25 for Driver)

Advantage: Green Bay

6. Mascot

The Steelers mascot:

The Packers mascot:

Yeah, they don't have one.

Advantage: Pittsburgh, for the kids.

7.Proof of an Underdog

Since both teams have had their share of success in their histories, let's keep this controlled to this season. The Steelers completed a 12-4 record and were the #2 seed in the AFC entering the playoffs. Despite losing Big Ben for the first four games of the season, they have remained near the top of the standings for most of the season. The Packers had a 10-6 record and were the #6 seed in the NFC. They had to win their last win games to qualify after a stretch of losing three out of four games. They have overcome a slew of injuries to key players (Barnett, Finley, Grant, Poppinga, Tauscher). Despite all this, the Packers are a three point favorite by Vegas odds. I still the have to go with the Packers on this one. Steelers are no underdog, sorry.

Advantage: Green Bay

Halftime! Steelers now lead 5-4. The third (and probably final) installment comes tomorrow!

Honest Mistake

I've always thought OK Go was just another dumb gimmick band who puts more thought into their music videos than their music. And, I'm probably right. I heard the following song on the radio a few nights ago and I honestly thought it was a Prince song I had never heard of. Once I realized my mistake, my first thought was "Whoops." My second thought was "if i can mistake and OK Go song for a Prince song and Prince is a music god, then OK Go must me capable of making a good song." So, that is that. I haven't even watched the video since it has dogs in it, but the song is a toe-tapper indeed.

What Should I Do?: Part One

With the Super Bowl less than one week away, I find myself faced with an important yet difficult dilemma.

Who do I cheer for?

As a die-hard fan of the San Francisco 49ers, I don't have a dog in this fight. As a matter of fact, the last time my team played for the Lombardi trophy I was nine years old (Not that I can complain that much, they have won in five times in their history). Each year when the Super Bowl comes around, I don't have much difficulty selecting which team I will root for. I tend to side with the underdogs or sentimental favorites ('08 Giants, '10 Saints). I also will quickly root against the teams I hate or "dynasty" teams (Cowboys, Packers, Steelers, Patriots). That is what makes this Super Bowl so tough. I really don't want to see either team win. So, it order to sort out my predicament into the First Ever Paper Badge Tale of the Tape: Super Bowl XLV Edition.

1. The Lemon Law

In order to proceed to the rest of our head-to-head comparison, both teams must pass the Lemon Law (© Barney Stinson). This means I have to be able to look at both teams and not find one thing so overbearingly repugnant that no other factor will even matter. The Lemon Law test requires asking three questions. First, Did anyone involved with either team do anything to physically or emotionally hurt your family, friends, or Rihanna? Second, does Brett Favre or Max Hall play major minutes for either team? Third, if given the choice to watch Best in Show or The Guardian, would anyone on the team pick that horrendous Costner/Kutcher disaster? Okay, so that last one may have been more for dating, but as far as I am aware both team pass the first two questions.

Advantage: Push. One point for both team

2. The Facial Hair Factor

There has been much fanfare this week surrounding the locks of Troy Polamalu and Clay Matthews. I'll give these guys credit for some great hair, but if you want to win my Super Bowl vote, it's all about the beard. And the winner of the Super Bowl beard competition is not even close...

Meet Brett Keisel, Steelers defensive end and alumnus of BYU. For those non-sports fans out there, if you were shown this picture and were given x-amount of choices to guess the university he attended for a million dollars, how many guesses would it take to finally say BYU? I'm not entirely sure what the Packers have to offer in the beard department, but it can't touch this.

Advantage: Pittsburgh. Double points for a double beard.

3. Hate/Revenge Level

My hate for the Packers runs deep. My buddy Marcus has always despised the Pack and passed that on to me. During the 90s/early 00s, the Niners and Packers had a series of great rivalry games, most of them did not go our way. But, this team is different. There is no Brett Favre. No Mike Holmgren. The Pack whooped us this year, and I have beat us eight straight times. The last time we beat them was on a miracle pass from Steve Young to Terrll Owens. All that said, I don't mind seeing them lose.

I've never really hated the Steelers. The Niners rarely play them and we beat them in '03 followed by a loss in '07. The one thing that the Steelers have going against them is the amount of Super Bowls the have won. They currently have six, while the Niners (and Cowboys) have five. A 7-5 advantage is tough to overcome. We were first to five and it would be nice to get that title back.

Advantage: Pittsburgh. I was originally going to give this section to Green Bay, but as I typed their section my blood started to boil with the memory of all those defeats. One point to the Steelers.

Through three quarters, the Steelers have a 4-1 lead. Tune in tomorrow for Round 2.