Make Sure You're Sitting Down For This One

I, (The) Paper Badge(r), joined a gym. Yeah. It happened. For those of you who know me, the real me, this is an unusual first for me. Prior to now, I had lifted weights a grand total of one time in my life. I hated running unless it was after a frisbee or a soccer ball. (I was not a dog) But now I am running. I am lifting. And I am sweating. And hurting. Not sure what I am doing to myself.