Monday, June 27, 2011

Dear Amy,

You are a freak.

I'm not trying to say that to be mean. I want to help. You see, for the longest time I thought that was all you really were. Just another freak. But then I started listening to your music. It's awesome. Someday, I want to go see one of your shows and not see the train wreck the people in Belgrade had to witness. I want to see you use your talent to produce more albums. So, why don't you just trying cleaning things up a bit. One step at a time. You can do it. And when you have given up the heroin, cocaine, meth, pills, horse tranquilizers, and whatever else is streaming through your body, I will be there. Cheering loudly and singing along.

Your optimistic fan,

The Paper Badger

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Top Ten Cutest Cartoon Babies Pt. II

If you missed it, here are numbers 10-6.

Drum roll please....

Time for the Top 5 Cutest Cartoon Babies of All-Time!

5. Tommy Pickles - Rugrats
Tommy Pickles is too cool and too cute for pants. He is the courageous leader of the Rugrats leading them on adventures to defeat dust bunnies and reach Ice Cream Mountain. "A baby's gotta do, what a baby's gotta do!"

4. Baby Sinclair - Dinosaurs!
He may be annoying to some, but Baby Sinclair was (a toned down) Stewie Griffin waaay before Stewie was cool. He also has the most memorable catchphrase of the group. (Double sidebar: First, watch any clip of Baby Sinclair and his mom and you are totally listening to Elmo talking to Lucille from Arrested Development. Second, remember Earl Sinclair's boss? Has to be one of the scariest villains of my youth.)

3. Baby Po - Kung Fu Panda 2
The inspiration for making this list makes a very impressive showing at #3. I'm sure most of you haven't seen the movie so I will do my best to explain. Our beloved Kung Fu Panda was abandoned by his parents and deliver to his adoptive duck father in a box of radishes. The duck finds a cute, chubby, hungry panda with eyes that will make your heart melt. Honestly, I wanted to put him at number one, but the next two deserve some major respect.

2. Simba - The Lion King
I will admit that we don't see Simba do much as a baby besides be held, paw, and sneeze. But let me say this, there is no denying the cuteness here. It also helps that he is the headliner of one of the most iconic scenes in Disney history along with the most BA Disney character ever.

1. The Muppet Babies - The Muppets Take Manhattan
I'm kicking myself for putting a collective at number one, but how do you split up the Muppet Babies? To be clear, these babies are from the scene in Muppets Take Manhattan not the cartoon that was inspired by it. (Also quite cute) Even if I had to pick just one (I would probably have to pick Gonzo although Rowlf, Kermit, and Fozzie are not far behind) they would still top this list. They are exponentially cuter than Disney Babies or Baby Looney Tunes. They can sing. And they are the Muppets. You just can't beat the Muppets. At least until baby E.T. is introduced.

Honorable Mentions: Baby Bop, Jack-Jack from the Incredibles, the baby animals from Partly Cloudy, Baby Tarzan, Baby Huey, Baby Herman, Pinky from Ice Age, Baby Hercules and Baby Pegasus

So that is my list! Thanks for indulging me. So, how did I do? Agree? Disagree? Did I miss someone obvious? Let me know!

A Little Something...

...while you (meaning Ben, my last remaining reader) wait for the top 5.

This is my favorite song of the day. And probably tomorrow. It's that good.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Top Ten Cutest Cartoon Babies

This is what this blog has come to.
I can't really explain why I did this. I watched Kung Fu Panda 2. I got this idea and I had to run with it. Here are the rules:
1) Babies must be fictional characters in a cartoon, computer animation, puppet, or anthropomorphic form.
2) No toddlers! Has to portray some baby characteristics.
3) No Baby Jesus. Too easy. He gets his own category.

That's it. Here are the Cutests Cartoon Babies 10-6....

10. Pebbles Flintstone, The Flintstones - She started out much higher, but slowly moved her way down the list. She's cute, sure, but there isn't much great about her besides being the namesake for a truly awesome breakfast cereal.

9. Dumbo, Dumbo - Our most vintage participant. Dumbo gets massive points for his massive ears. Poor Dumbo got made fun of by his elephant friends. He finally gets some love on this list.

8. Tokka and Rahzar, TMNT II: The Secret of the Ooze - You probably just looked at the above picture and said, "Gross, those two monsters are not cute and they are not even babies!" Wrong and wrong you are. Back story, Shredder decides to fight the Ninja Turtles by feeding a wolf and snapping turtle the same ooze that turned the ninja turtles mutant. The following hilarity ensues. So totally cute.

7. Kiddy Kong, Donkey Kong Country 3 - I may have broken Rule #3 here. Kiddy seems like a baby. He has a binky. He cries a lot. But he is huge and had a pretty big adventure. But the baby in Baby's Day Out had a day out, so I'm including Kiddy. For now.
6. Maggie Simpson, The Simpsons - Maggie doesn't do much. She enjoys her binky and occasionally shoots a billionaire. I can say with perfect certainty, that this is the one baby on the list that I want to dress my future child in costume. Light blue onesy and bow. Red binky. That is so happening.
Come back tomorrow for the Top 5!

Monday, June 13, 2011

Guns n' Roses n' Cellos


Today is a beautiful day and this picture says it all. I have never been a fan of the Dallas Mavericks. Especially after this...
I have always thought that Dirk Nowitzki was a chump, Mark Cuban was a loudmouth, and Dallas fans were fair-weather, clueless and indifferent. But when the Mavs faced Miami in the NBA Finals, I did not jump on the Heat bandwagon. I didn't even make a list like I had to for the Super Bowl. I cheered for the Mavericks like there was no tomorrow.

I hate the Miami Heat and I hate LeBron James. I hate everything their franchise stands for. I couldn't bear the thought of them highjacking the NBA championship one year after The Decision and the Premature Celebration. They are arrogant. Their fans are worse than the fans in Dallas. They had to be stopped.

Lucky for me, they were stopped. It was a great series and both teams played hard. ( copyright - Rasheed Wallace) The Mavericks didn't only win for themselves, Mark Cuban, and they city and fans of Dallas. (Who, by the way, stepped it up big time) They won it for the Rebellion. They won it for Cleveland. They won it for the hope that a team without three All-Stars can go all the way.

Come on, Jazz, we can do this!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

What the 80s???

The song Take Me Home Tonight by Eddie Money does not appear in the movie Take Me Home Tonight. Yeah, I know. I figured I would just cut right to the chase on this one. When Take Me Home Tonight, the movie, came out a few months ago I was curious. A movie starring Topher Grace and Dan Fogler did little to excite me. But the title of the movie got the gears in my mind turning. The Eddie Money song is one of my favorite 80s songs and I quickly imagined an inspiring montage set to the song at the climax of the movie. Or maybe the song would back the opening credits. Or possibly it would pop up three of four times. No matter what that song could sell even the worst of movies. That song is clutch.

Fast forward to this afternoon. After missed attempts to catch the movie in the theaters, I finally got around to seeing it. The song didn't start the movie. The song never played from the car during a driving scene. The song didn't accompany a romantic kiss. No song during a montage. It didn't even pop up during the closing credits. IT WASN'T IN THE MOVIE AT ALL!!!! Are you kidding me???? That is like E.T. without E.T. Muppets Christmas Carol without the Muppets. To be completely honest, the movie sucked. (Not a surprise) Not funny. Not clever. Not cool. If anyone knows of a movie with that song in it, let me know. Until then I will fill that void with this YouTube clip.