An Open Letter to All the Ladies in the World

Dear Women,

I have known you for quite some time and we have always had a good relationship. We've had some good times, shared a few laughs, you've done your thing and I have done mine. For the past twenty four years, I thought that I understood you. In the past two days I have learned that i had ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what kind of pain you put your self through. Let me explain.

Case #1: Sunday, I allowed my sister to wax part of my leg, just to see how it felt and say that I did it. Wow. That hurt really bad. Like, really bad. That section of leg is still burning and covered in tiny red dots. I can only imagine (and I would not like to imagine) how bad it would have hurt to have done that to my entire leg. But, this may not be an all-encompassing fact. Which brings me to...

Case #2: Yesterday, as part of my Halloween costume, I wore a dress. I have worn make-up and tights, but this marred my first foray into the dress-wearing world. As I ventured out into society, approximately 1.2 million questions came into my head. How do I get into a car? How do I get out of a car? How do I sit? How do I get back up again? How do I stand? How do I walk up stairs? How do I get a good twirl going? How on earth would it ever be possible to pick up an object that has fallen to the ground? Somehow you know all the answers to these questions and I applaud you for that. But, I am not done yet. There is still one more thing that causes me to stand in awe more than the rest.

Case #3: The shoes. I found a sweet pair of platform-ish shoes for my costume. They fit perfectly and I could not believe my great luck. Unfortunately, my joy was quickly wiped away. Within an hour of walking around in those shoes, my dogs were barking and my piggies were squealing more than I could handle. When I finally came home and took my shoes off, the euphoria ranked among the greatest single-second moments of my life. And you do this all day, every day? Bravo. Hats off. Well done.

In conclusion, I don't want to be you but I appreciate you a lot more. I'm not sure if putting yourself through all this to attract the opposite sex, or if it is just fueled by social norms. So the next time I see you walking around pulling off a fabulous dress/shoes combo, there will be a hint of appreciation mixed with whatever other feelings I might get. I can say that I have walked in those shoes. Literally. And it sucked.

Sincerely and Gratefully,

Cody Titmus
Man